Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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