All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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