getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
