All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
