he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
