i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
