some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
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please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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