i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
