were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
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She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
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I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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