I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
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