Don't make out with my wife yet
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
