so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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