Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
