I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
