if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I need to calm my uterus...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
