is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
