im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
