somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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