Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
