my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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