I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
