One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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