hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
