I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
