I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
