I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
