Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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