I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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