Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
from now on my penis is your penis
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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