I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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