but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize