im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
