im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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