My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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