i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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