I want to have your abortion
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
