So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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