i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
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The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
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You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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