Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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