it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You know, be my cock's hype man.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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