my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
