I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
