no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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