Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We left the knife in your bed.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
