Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
