Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You ruined the universe
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
