do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
