Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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