i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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