That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
