Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
