Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
