I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
