Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
