in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
