Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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