And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize