i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
