I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
