Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
