so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
