Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
