I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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