I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
